Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
