Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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