Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
