I smell stomach acid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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