guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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