I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
