I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
