It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
