new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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