Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
