Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
