the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
third nipple confirmed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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