Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
