I think I died a long time ago.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
