Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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