I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
