i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
