This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
smell my finger.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
