I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
