Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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