At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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