At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
