I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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