I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
