my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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