Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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