Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
