theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm really busy with my period
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