too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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