upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I understand Curling. That high.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
