I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
