I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
