Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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