Apparently you make a good broom.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
