why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
