Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
