Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
