my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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