there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
