fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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