If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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