you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
