all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
