Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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