What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
