Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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