he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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