apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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