a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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