Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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